A Writer's Self-Perception

The fluctuations in my attitude towards my work have become something of a cliche to me. Some days I finish writing and am convinced that what I've written is genius (or at least that there is the seed of genius in it), while others, I think it is crap. Much of that occurs relative to other people's work, depending on what I am reading and how I perceive my own work in relation to it. I was just talking with a friend last night though, and mentioned how it's the stuff I haven't read that is most intimidating to me.

Nothing is more discouraging than to come across some friend-of-a-friend's profile on facebook, who's work I've never read, and to see tons of publication credentials right above a list of favorite authors I have never even heard of. It's in those moments that I feel I must lack some crucial element of what it means to be a contemporary writer, emphasis on contemporary. I worry then that my tastes are outdated, my sense of what's important is cliche. There is no greater fear for a writer (and perhaps for artists in general) than to think you are creating something new and significant and finding out that it's not, and it's not. I imagine other artists sneering around me and it makes me so sick and fed up that I put my nose down and decide to write exactly what I want to write just to spite them, which ultimately leads me back to one of those extremely positive/genius moods, and thus the cycle continues.

It is comforting to observe that such feelings of disappointment rarely come upon me when I am reading something that I actually enjoy. The better the work is, the more inspired it makes me, and the more it encourages and contributes to my own process. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Writing the kinds of books you yourself would like to read? Most moods of discouragment occur while I'm scratching my head over something I don't like, trying to figure out why, if I don't like it, it still is popular. All kinds of Unknowns start to press in around me, and I find myself repulsed by my own work without really understanding why. Maybe my not liking certain kinds of work means that I am behind the times, and maybe it means I'm ahead of them. As with all superficial considerations, the only thing to do is put your head down, accept that there's no way of knowing, keep writing, and see.